On the Science of Changing Sex

Cognitive Dissonance and Vector Transform Miscalculations in Transgender Tensor Space

Posted in Editorial by Kay Brown on June 2, 2017

Kay Brown 2010Tension said the Tensor
Tension said the Tensor
Tension Apprehension and Dissention have begun

I am turning 60 years old this week.  This means that it has been 42 years since I transitioned full time the same week I turned 18, graduated from high school, and was informed that I was being kicked out.  Much has happened since then, both personally and within the transsexual and transgender communities.  In the vein of “ya either laugh or cry”, offered for your consideration are random dialogs and events over the decades.  The events were real, only the names have been changed to protect the guilty.

Candice_Caltech

Kay Brown in college

I’m at a “Seminar” at the Stanford Gender Dysphoria Clinic in the late ’77.  I attend in the hopes of getting my “letter” approving me for SRS.  One of the events specially scheduled for this day is a make-over session in which a make-up expert has been brought in to demonstrate how to use make-up to allow one to pass.  She asks for a volunteer.  As the only ‘young transitioner’ in the audience, well known to the others to wear almost no make-up beyond mascara and eye-liner, I was by general acclamation “volunteered” with much cat-calling and barely suppressed jealous jeering, as I was literally compelled toward the stands by gentle pushes and shoves.  As I join the make-up artist on the stage, this young woman does a serious double-take.  She looks at me, looks at her make-up selection, and despairs.  I later learn from her that she had been told to expect that she would have to cover heavy five-o-clock shadows and course ruddy complexions.  She examines my face, noting that I was as smooth skinned as she is without a trace of beard (I had never grown one, never needed electrolysis.)  She asks,

“You have such lovely complexion, what do you use to cleanse and moisturize?”

“Cold cream and rubbing alcohol.”  I answer honestly.  I could barely afford to eat, much less buy expensive skin creams!

“Really?” she asks incredulously, pausing to consider what to do, ” I don’t know what to do.  I don’t have the right make up for your face!”  Which brings more titters and cat-calls from the far older transwomen in the audience who are clearly enjoying her discomfiture, likely haven anticipated this development.  I feel my face blush pink from embarrassment.  “Hold on, I know…” as she grabs her purse and pulls out her own personal travelling make-up kit.  Turns out, we have identical coloring.  She makes-up my face such that I look like a beauty magazine model.

ACLUAt a political gathering in the summer of 1982 of several dozen transsexuals, mostly ‘late transitioning’ transwomen and their wives, a woman asks my college roommate Joy,

“Where is your Significant Other?”

“I’m single.”

“Oh, then who did you come with?”

“My roommate,” pointing at me. 

“I’m confused.  Then why are you here?  Most of us only came to support our SO’s,” having decided that I wasn’t transsexual.

“I’m a member of the committee.”

“Oh wait, you mean that YOU are TS?  OMG!  I’m sorry, I thought you were one of us.”  (meaning, one of the natal female wives and girlfriends)

At an FtM conference in late ’99, where I had been invited to give a talk on TransHistory, a very similar dialog occurs as a transman and his wife ask,

“Where is your husband?”

“He’s at home.  He’s not interested in these sorts of events.”

“Ummm… then when are you planning to transition?” as looks me over, obviously both admiring my trim figure in a cute feminine outfit while frowning in confusion and some disapproval.

“Transition?  I did that over twenty five years ago!”

“You’re MTF?  Wow!” as he gives me an even more admiring gaze, “Wow!”

Young transitioning, androphilic transwomen, being a small minority, get this all of the time.  We don’t look “transgender” and even other transfolk aren’t that familiar with us.

Late transitioning transwomen believe that there is only one type, so they tend to make invalid assumptions.  During a group discussion where all of the ‘late transitioning’ transwomen are discussing their military service, one snags me and asks,

“So when were you in the military?”

“What?  They don’t let TS folk in the military!”

“Of course not, I meant before the change…”

“They don’t let minors join either.”

CedarStar_porch

CedarStar

On another day, it doesn’t matter when, and I’m having a discussion with a transwoman I invited over for coffee at my house.  She makes a comment about my roommate, assuming that she is my wife, wondering aloud if she will mind that she is there.

“What makes you think that she and I are an item?”

“Well, you live together.  And it’s obvious that you are affectionate with each other.”

“We have separate bedrooms.”

“But….”

“We have separate bedrooms.  I’m not into women.  I’ve been dating men since I was a teenager.”

“But, if you are only into men, how come you’re hanging out with me?”

“Because I thought you were interesting as a person.  This isn’t a date!”

Serious misunderstandings between myself and late transitioning transwomen have happened repeatedly in my life.  It is understandable, if one knows that people tend to project their own motives and world view upon others as their working assumption until proven wrong.

Candice2

Kay Brown with her adopted daughter Liz

I’m with my adopted daughter, Liz, at a large social gathering at the private home of a much older transwoman, literally a rocket scientist, that includes a fair number of late transitioning transwomen in Silicon Valley.  Everyone there is “cool” about transgender folk and I’ve been introduced, and thus ‘outed’ as being trans before I got there.  A middle-aged woman approaches me,

“Your daughter is so well behaved and lovely and looks so much like you.”

“Yes, it’s amazing.  I guess we both just got lucky that way.”

“So where is her mother? Is she here, or is this your weekend to babysit?”

“I’m her mother.”

“Oh… oh yes, of course you are.  I meant her real mother.”

“If you mean her birth mother, I wouldn’t know, I’ve never met her.”

“Huh?”

“I adopted Liz.  I’ve never met her birth parents.  And no, this isn’t my weekend to ‘babysit’.  I’m her mother!”

I wanted to scream at this woman who was so completely clueless on multiple levels.  First, she assumed that I was Liz’s sire.  I wanted to scream, “NO, I’m not her FATHER.  I’ve never even FUCKED a woman in my entire life!  Oh for fuck’s sake, I transitioned a decade before Liz was even born!”

189511_1005083648024_5819_n

Jeff and Kay saying their vows

I’m at a trendy wine bar in 2013 in Sacramento the evening after having spoken, by invitation, on a panel at a women’s conference earlier.  The conference organizer is drunk, loudly outs me to several other women, then tells me that she has dated transwomen before, making it very clear that she finds me attractive.  She and her friend stand on either side of me, penning me in as they proceed to hit on me, her friend taking my hand and suggestively stoking it for a moment, then puzzled, notes my wedding and engagement rings, soldered together as one, asks,

“What’s this?”

“My wedding ring.  I’m married.”

“You’re married?”

“Yes, I’m married.  His name is Jeff.  We have a daughter, Liz.”

“I thought you were transgender…”

I wave my hands, shaking my head, as I pull away to make a timely exit to walk back to the B&B for the night.  The next morning, I have a very serious talk to the conference organizer about her inappropriate behavior, explaining why it is not cool to out transwomen in public, nor to hit on them, assuming that we are all sexually attracted to women.  She was shocked.  She sincerely thought that ALL transwomen were attracted to women.

Over forty years of embarrassing misunderstandings.  I sincerely hope that with greater visibility of transkids, they will experience far fewer of these…

Further Reading:

The Invisible Transsexual

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Say That Again Please?

Posted in Editorial by Kay Brown on May 10, 2017

female_scientistIt normally takes me weeks to write an essay once I’ve found a paper (or three) that seemed worthy of being used as the focus.  But today, I ran into disturbing paper that hits very close to home.  I’m hard of hearing.  I’ve been hard of hearing all of my life, but I’ve been wearing hearing aids since my very early 30’s, mostly because that was when Kaiser finally saw fit to give me my first a really basic analog device.  IT was a revelation; wow, so many birds chirping out in the garden!  I couldn’t hear them before.  Today, I wear some really nifty high tech digital hearing aids with BlueTooth remote control in both ears.  And yeah, I paid for them myself… and worth every penny.

Just this week a new paper came out that suggests the HRT for menopause is correlated with increased risk of hearing loss.  I don’t have access to the full paper and I haven’t figured out who is the corresponding author yet.  But given that transwomen use HRT in higher doses and for longer periods of time, it may be important to look into this issue.

From the abstract,

Objective: Menopause may be a risk factor for hearing loss, and postmenopausal hormone therapy (HT) has been proposed to slow hearing decline; however, there are no large prospective studies. We prospectively examined the independent relations between menopause and postmenopausal HT and risk of self-reported hearing loss.  …  Conclusions: Older age at menopause and longer duration of postmenopausal HT are associated with higher risk of hearing loss.

Reference:

Curhan, et al., “Menopause and Postmenopausal Hormone Therapy and Hearing Loss” Menopause  (May 2017)  http://journals.lww.com/menopausejournal/Abstract/publishahead/Menopause_and_postmenopausal_hormone_therapy_and.97786.aspx

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Getting Lost in the Crowd

Posted in Editorial, Science Criticism, Transgender Youth, Transsexual Field Studies by Kay Brown on April 16, 2017

Kay Brown

Or, How the Big Tent Transgender Movement Distorts Science and Holds Back Civil Rights for Transsexuals

In the early ’90s, Beth Elliott, using her nom de plume Mustang Sally, wrote an essay entitled, “The Incredible Shrinking Identity” in which she decried the social effects of subsuming transsexual people into the larger umbrella of “transgender”, which with each passing year seemed to be growing at its margins to include more and more people who just a few years before, would never have been considered to be in the same grouping.  Of course, she was mostly talking about cross-dressers, autogynephilic men, who as we know, are in fact in the same etiological taxon as autogynephilic MTF transsexuals.  In the ’90s, it was possible to ignore this complaint as being specious on the social level, given already rampant socially unwanted and scientifically unwarranted lumping of autogynephilic and exclusively androphilic MTF transwomen.

But what started as merely political embarrassement (for AGP transwomen) has now become a serious scientific and civil rights issue as the term “transgender” has now been stretched to the point where it has little meaning as to actual sexual, social, or gendered behavior.  It is no longer enough for scientists to differentiate between autogynephilic/late onset vs. androphilic/early onset MTF transwomen… nor even between autoandrophilic vs. androphilic FtM transmen… now we must differentiate between an ever growing host of self-defined “other” gender categories and underlying behaviors, identities that are lumped under “transgender” to the point of making the term meaningless to sexologists and social scientists alike.

Flashback, 1980:  Hanging out in the L.A. transsexual community, as it gained a political self awareness, was a teenager; let’s call her “Lee”.  Lee would tell anyone who asked that she was “transsexual”… yet caused great confusion to all who met her.  She was natal female, short even for a woman, pleasantly plump, and decidedly feminine in both appearance and manner.  She was in no sense gender atypical.  And during the time that I knew her, over 18 months, she never made any attempt to present as a man, nor even as butch.  She was always on the femmy side of androgenous to the point of being decidedly “cute” as she hung out, mostly with younger MTF transwomen whom she seemed to admire.  Had she been hanging out in this same manner in the gay male scene, they would have likely labeled her a “Fag Hag”.  The transsexual community, while leery of non-trans males who would have acted this way, affectionately accepted Lee’s non-threatening presence, while secretly rolling their eyes when she declared that she was “FtM”.

Thinking back on Lee, I’m fairly certain that she never transitioned and I’m willing to place fairly high odds that she married and had kids, probably now has grandchildren, none of which have any idea that she once hung out in the trans-scene.  At the time, we had no label for her.  Today, on the internet, the FtM transsexual community does have a label that would have applied, “tucute”, as in “Too Cute” to be trans.  If you visit the FtM pages on Tumbler, you are sure to run into a few… and will also note that they in turn, grumble about the negative feedback they get from “Truscum” (androphilic FtM) for not accepting that they too are just as “trans”, even if they are in no sense gender atypical or gender dysphoric.

Recent Events:  A couple years ago, via her facebook page, a very socially liberal, rather prominent (and wealthy) venture capitalist in my professional circle proudly announced that her teenaged child was “transgender”.  I’ve been living “mostly stealth” in that most of my professional contacts do not know of my medical history (yes, I “pass”).  But in a move to be supportive and perhaps even help her with the emotional issues that almost always come with a child’s transition I came out to her.  BAD MOVE!  Nope, upon learning more about her child, it became very clear that her daughter had always been very gender typical as a girl, was not the least bit gender dysphoric, and had no intention of legally, socially, nor medically transitioning.  No, she just wanted to be recognized as “transgender” and have everyone around her use gender neutral pronouns (cause she is they are so special, she they deserves it).

There is another name for this behavior, “TransTrender”, as in it is now “trendy” to say that one is transgender, in the right circles.    Back in my college years, hanging around Stanford University, I would often hear complaints from actual gynephilic women, real lesbians, about the phenomena of primarily androphilic women taking social positions as “Political Lesbians” and “Lesbians Until Graduation”.  The “transgender” community now has the same phenomena.  It seems to have become “cool” in some comfortably well off, very socially liberal teenaged and young adult circles to be associated with the LGB and now T community, as though being associated with a marginalized group made up for their obvious social privilege.

One could well imagine the growing resentment felt by those of us who have experienced familial rejection, social disapprobation, economic deprivation, and psychic pain from a lifetime of gender atypicality and dysphoria towards those who misappropriate an identity from the protective cocoon of indulgent family, liberal universities, and the anonymity of the internet.

If these issues had stayed on the pages of tumbler and facebook, it wouldn’t be a problem for science or those seeking better civil rights for transitioning transfolk.  But it hasn’t.

Consider a recent paper published in the Journal of Youth and Adolescence in which the authors very laudably explore the issues of safety and bathroom access for “transgender” youth.  Ah… you are probably anticipating some of the problems that this might entail and you would be right.  But let’s explore each of them carefully.

The authors cite the now popular William’s estimate of 0.7% of the population in the US as “transgendered”.  The problem with that study is the number who identify as “transgendered” because William’s did not apply any operational definition beyond asking if they were “transgendered”. Yet we know that only 0.03% of the U.S. population has actually socially transitioned, according to US Census study that cross-correlated with name/sex status changes to Social Security cards (arguably the absolute best estimate we will ever get to the number of individuals who actually transitioned).  This means that less than 5% of those who identify as “transgender” ever transition.  Thus, by definition, more than 95% of those who identify as “transgender” never transition, that in fact, they aren’t all that gender dysphoric.  So who are they?  Well, given that 80 to 90% of MTF transsexuals are autogynephilic and that 4.6% of men in the general population are autogynephilic, while only 0.5% of women are autoandrophilic, we can surmise that the vast bulk of those who identify as “transgender” adults are autogynephilic males, otherwise gender typical heterosexual men who cross-dress in the privacy of their homes and perhaps occasionally have a “girls’ night out” with other cross-dressers.

We know that autogynephilic males are gender typical growing up.  They are also gynephilic.  These are, save for their secret cross-dressing and sexual fantasies of being or becoming female, typical, average, run of the mill straight men.  Thus, autogynephilic males who have not transitioned are not socially visible.  Further, we know that the median and average ages of transition for autogynephilic transsexuals (the moment that they become socially visible) is 35 and 40 respectively.  In fact, in the Nuttbrook study, which surveyed 571 transgender women, only one gynephilic (and presumably autogynephilic) individual had begun transition before age 20 and of those who had begun transition before age 20, only 7% said that they were bisexual (of which a number of them are likely to be autogynephilic, as we know from other studies).

Now, compare that to the number of early onset / androphilic transwomen who transition before age 20… that number is half.  HALF.  Further, we know from study after study that such transwomen are very notably gender atypical, as well as gender dysphoric.  THESE are the kids who will be the most socially visible as youth, NOT autogynephilic “transgender”.  On the FtM side, the Autoandrophilic population similarly transition later as adults, not teens.  It will be the rare, very rare (remember, only 0.03% of the total US population transition) exclusively gynephilic, gender dysphoric kids that will be socially visible as youth, not the TuCutes and the TransTrenders.  These are the kids who are socially and personally vulnerable as youth, not the vastly larger number of individuals who will identify as “transgender”.

How badly off are the numbers?  In the Wernick study they found 86 individuals who self-identified as transgendered out of 935 students.  Seriously, 9%?  NINE &^%$#@ percent?!?  That’s more than ten times the number of adults who self-identify and three hundred times the number who actually transition.  That’s on the same order as are found to be gay or lesbian.  Are all of the LGB kids claiming to be “transgendered”???  Or is this representative of all of the secretly cross-dressing and cross-dreaming boys plus the TuCutes and the TransTrenders, all balled into one?  Because, if the schools were statistically representative of the population as a whole, with only a thousand or so students, we could only expect a one in three chance of finding an actual transsexual among them, most likely an autogynephile who will transition as an adult and only one in fifteen chance of finding a transkid.

The design of this study was flawed from inception, as the numbers surveyed were never enough to find any statistically valid number of transkids, while using self report of being “transgendered” without a valid operational definition lead only to a measure of the trendiness of the label in the teenaged population.

So we see, that truly gender atypical and gender dysphoric individuals will be a very small percentage of youth who will self-identify as “transgender”.  These are the kids who social scientists and policy makers should be concerned with, not those who have yet to transition or never will.  These are the kids who, while finding more and more visibility in the press as they transition, are the ones who are getting lost in the crowd in social science studies and policy making because of the failure to apply appropriate operational definitions.

(Addendum 5/5/2017:  To reinforce my point that one needs to have an operational definition of “transgender”, we can see in another recent study (Sumia 2017) using the GIDYQ-A that only 1.3% of teenagers had any “potentially clinically significant gender dysphoria”.  Interestingly of the natal female teens, only 0.5% compared to 2.2% of the natal males had indicated such potential dysphoria.  Note that this is indeed potential, not clinically significant distress.  These numbers tally better with the hypothesis that most of these boys are autogynephilic and will likely live as secret cross-dressers.)

Further Reading:

Essay on US Census Estimate of Post-Transition Population

Essay on the Ratio of Gynephilic vs. Androphilic MTF Transsexuals

Essay on the Nature of Autogynephilia

References:

Wernick, et Al, “Gender Identity Disparities in Bathroom Safety and Wellbeing in High School Students”, Journal of Youth and Adolescence
DOI: 10.1007/s10964-017-0652-1

Sumia et Al, “Current and recalled childhood gender identity in community youth in comparison to referred adolescents seeking sex reassignment”, Journal of Adolescence
http://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0140197117300155

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When in the Course of Human Events…

Posted in Editorial, Transgender Youth by Kay Brown on January 1, 2017

Kay BrownOr, Why The Two Types of MTF Transsexuals Should Be Recognized and Treated Separately.

These past few years has been an interesting one from the standpoint that we are seeing more papers supporting the Fruend / Blanchard Two Type Taxonomy in that Blanchard’s prediction that the two types would have differential neural corralates (brain differences).  But this past year, we saw two very important papers from Hsu et al. {See previous essay} when combined with previous papers by Blanchard and Veale, lend powerful support to what a number of ‘early onset’ MTF transwomen have been saying more sotto voiced, as Velasques did,

“Teen hsts should not be required to attend support groups for older transsexuals. The two groups have nothing in common and many of us have had upsetting experiences being forced to attend meetings with people who have had a transvestic etiology as opposed to a homosexual one.”

Quite simply, autogynephilic transwomen are sexually attracted to, sexually objectify, and inappropriately romantize ‘early onset’ transwomen and our lives.  Further, they are given licence to make pruriently inappropriate comments and questions regarding such youngsters appearance, attractiveness, genital surgical status, and sexual experiences under the guise that “we are all just girls here”, comments and questions that would not occur in groups of only transkids, and certainly not from women.  As I put it in my 2009 essay on the Transkids website,

“In transsexual support groups, homosexual transsexuals are in a minority position from the beginning. It is human nature to seek out those like themselves, so occasionally an HSTS finds a support group, but soon feels out-of-place and uncomfortable, unable to relate to AGPs and the issues that AGPs most want to discuss. Unless the support group is moderated by an experienced therapist, the naturally more masculine and dominant AGPs, accustomed to male privilege, will tend to monopolize the conversations. Further, since a portion of the AGP population is strongly attracted to other transsexuals, especially to those who are physically and behaviorally more feminine, the HSTS minority may be subject to unwanted sexual advances from the AGP majority. Naturally, finding no real support for, or mirroring of, her own concerns, and made uncomfortable by sexual objectification, the lone HSTS will quickly drift away, leaving the support group to the AGPs.”

Both of these quotes actually understate the problems when ‘early onset’ transwomen are required to attend therapy with autogynphilic transwomen.  We now have laboratory and survey evidence that all autogynephiles, not just a “portion”, are strongly, in fact preferentially, attracted to gynandromorphs, that is, pre-operative, young, physically and behaviorially feminine ‘early onset’ transkids.

I can just hear my reader’s thoughts, “So what?  Lots of people find themselves the subject of attraction.  They deal with it just fine.”  Yes, but consider for a moment that we are talking about young, naive, teenagers and young adults who first attend such therapy sessions with the nearly explicit assumption that they will be in a group of transwomen “that are just like them”.  If your only model of who and what ‘transsexuals’ are is yourself, and perhaps the popular culture’s ever present mantra of “a woman trapped in a man’s body”… then one will enter that room with no adequate defences to both the sexual objectification and to the mind fuck of trying to square the rather odd differences between one’s self and one’s experiences as an obviously gender atypical and androphilic person and the presentation and experiences (not to mention implausable histories) of the autogynephilic majority in the group.  In effect, that youngster begins to ask, “If these are transwomen… then WTF am I?”  I know I certainly had this rather dizzying experience the first time I met “transsexuals”,

“During my second semester in college, I met other transsexuals for the first time, at the [Stanford] clinic. What I found surprised and confused me. They did not seem to be unaffectedly feminine, without effort, but more like men who desired to be feminine and were working desperately to appear so. I was acutely embarrassed for them. Most were much older than me. Many of them had been, or still were, happily and sexually satisfactorily married to women for years. I couldn’t understand why they wanted to live as women.  If I was surprised and confused by them, they were just as surprised and confused by me. I was asked how it was possible that I had been dating, and sexually active with, men, especially as I was pre-op. I had dated four straight boys who had been high school classmates, besides the young men that I met when I left home for college. None of the others at the Clinic had ever dated a man.”

Even this quote from my 2009 essay understates the negative consequences that occured within weeks of that first introduction to autogynephilic transsexuals in that because of it, and the fact that I was experiencing severe housing and food insecurity due to having been effectively disowned by my family, one of these autogynephilic transwomen ‘kindly’ offered to take me in… only to later demand sexual favors in return when the alternative was homelessness.  Had I known the nature of autogynephilic sexuality and mendacity… or had I not been thus improperly included in this session in which Stanford had tacitly vetted the others, this “upsetting experience” would not have occured.

Just as it is inappropriate for ‘early onset’ transwomen to be required or encouraged to attend such mixed group therapy, it is even more inappropriate to place MTF transkids in the same hospital room with an autogynephilic transsexual, as I wrote in my parental advice essay,

“Insist that your child have either a room to themselves, or with another transkid of the same social gender and sexual orientation.  Under no circumstance allow your MTF child to share a room with an adult MTF transitioner.  The hospital administration usually has no real clue about the realities of transsexuality and transsexuals, and think that we are all the same.  No one would think of asking a young lady to share a hospital room with an older straight man… but that is in effect what is happening in hospitals on a regular basis.  Autogynephilic MTF transsexuals are sexually attracted to women, and often, even especially, to young MTF transkids.  Further, a fair number of autogynephilic individuals sexualize the very act, the process of changing sex, both in themselves and in others.  Due to a lifetime of socialization as men, and only limited experience in their new gender role, these individuals often do not recognize appropriate boundaries.  Do not allow your child to be so exposed when they are at their most physically and emotionally vulnerable point in their young lives!  (I myself had a very upsetting incident when I had SRS.  A few years ago, I accompanied a transkid to that very same hospital, who had a similar experience, 28 years after my own. )”

While I do not wish to share the nature of my “upsetting incident” in the hospital, I don’t believe that these experiences are unique to me.  In point of fact, it is not hard, by scanning the web, to find accounts of others describing “upsetting” experiences either in group therapy or while at a hospital for SRS.  In one case I recall, a youngster described the older transistioning members of her group, “pervy”, while another used “skeevy”, when addressing the unwanted and inappropriate sexual attention they received.

I feel strongly, especially now that we have such strong evidence to support both the Two Type Taxonomy AND the now well documented sexual preference for ‘early onset’ MTF transkids, that including them in the same support groups, group therapy sessions, and hospital settings, borders, if not crosses into, malpractice.  MTF transkids should not have to put up with unwanted and very inappropriate sexual attention / harrassment just to get past the “gate-keepers”.

It is past time that WPATH recognize the two type taxonomy and that differential diagnostic criteria be included in the APA Diagnostic and Stastical Manual.

Further Reading:

Information for Health Care Providers

S. Alejandra Velasquez, “Treatment Recommendations for HSTS Transkids”
http://www.transkids.us/recommend.html

Kay Brown, “The Invisble Transsexual”
http://www.transkids.us/invisible.html

Essay on Autogynephiles and Gynandromorphophilia

Essay on “upsetting” experiences with an AGP transwoman

Advice to Parents of Transkids

References:

K. J. Hsu, A. M. Rosenthal, D. I. Miller and J. M. Bailey, “Sexual Arousal Patterns of Autogynephilic Cross-dressing Men”
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/308036975_Sexual_Arousal_Patterns_of_Autogynephilic_Male_Cross-Dressers

K. J. Hsu, A. M. Rosenthal, D. I. Miller and J. M. Bailey, “Who are gynandromorphophilic men? Characterizing men with sexual interest in transgender women”
http://d-miller.github.io/assets/HsuEtAl2015.pdf

Jaimie F. Veale, Dave E. Clarke and Terri C. Lomax, “Sexuality of Male-to-Female Transsexuals”
http://www.springerlink.com/content/bp2235t8261q23u3/

Anne A. Lawrence and J. Michael Bailey
Transsexual Groups in Veale et al. (2008) are “Autogynephilic” and “Even More Autogynephilic”
http://www.springerlink.com/content/u473w370g11vx758/

Jaimie F. Veale, David E. Clarke and Terri C. Lomax
Reply to Lawrence and Bailey (2008)
http://www.springerlink.com/content/cm2531l3m3148377/

Blanchard R, Collins PI., “Men with sexual interest in transvestites, transsexuals, and she-males”
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/8245926

Blanchard R., “The she-male phenomenon and the concept of partial autogynephilia”
http://www.informaworld.com/smpp/content~db=all~content=a789560133

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Silly Stereotypes

Posted in Editorial, Science Criticism by Kay Brown on November 6, 2016

phrenologyWhen I was being evaluated by the Stanford Gender Dysphoria Clinic, they had me answer a number of questionaires.  Of course, as a naive teenager, not yet having the background in science, especially in psychology, I took them thinking that they might help me get past these evaluations such that I would be OK’ed for SRS.  Only later did I learn that these were not diagnostic but research tools.  Later, I came to recognize them and studied them.  One of them was the Bem Sex Role Inventory.  Interestingly enough, I learned the most damning things about this instrument, not in my psych studies, which I did, but from my U.S. History, Women’s Emphasis Class in 1977.  In that class, I learned about gender stereotypes, their power to shape politics… and as any feminist knows, the personal is political.  Suddenly, for me, my personal experience taking the inventory become political.

Why am I writing about this now?  Because I still see this inventory being touted as though it had any kind of scientific validity as a window into intrisic gender meaning… that it shows any sort of truly sexually dimorphic differences in personality.  It does not.

Then what does it show?  Stereotypes.

The Bem Inventory was developed in 1974 by Sandra Bem, a feminist psychologist.  Bem did not intend it to be, and in fact later bemoaned that it had misused as, a gender identity tool.  It was a tool to explore how individuals hewed, or not, to societal gender stereotypes, period.

I recall, that as I learned about the inventory, how dismayed I was about its use… and how many of the stereotypes made no real sense.  Consider a couple of the terms that were supposed to be “feminine” and “masculine” qualities like “gullible” and “loyal”.  WTF!?!?

In 1974, these were qualities that were considered “feminine” and “masculine”… but not today.  This inventory only helps us understood sexist stereotypes of the mid’70s not who we are today… and certainly does NOT tell us if we are men, women, or transgendered.  It’s far past time to leave the Bem Inventory in the footnotes section of history books.

Further Reading:

“I Took the Bem Sex Role Inventory From 1974 and This Is What Happened”, by Lara Rutherford-Morrison

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Denial Is Not A River

Posted in Editorial by Kay Brown on April 16, 2016

Science vs nonsense

On Science Denialism in the Transgender Communities

In the sense that I may as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, it really gets my goat that so many intelligent transfolk can be so deep into science denial, specifically denying the overwhelming evidence for the two type taxonomy and especially for the role that autogynephilia plays in the developent of one of the types.  But hey, who am I trying to kid (yes, pun intended)?  Science denial is everywhere these days.  Even in the transgender communities…  So, for the record:

No, vaccines do not cause autism!  Give it up.  The scientific evidence is overwhelming… and Andrew Wakefield lost his medical license because of his outright fraud, both legal and scientific.  VAX !!!

Yes, the HIV virus does cause AIDS.  Hard to believe, but there are still those who deny this well established fact.  Practice safer sex!

No, “Morgellons” don’t exist.  See a pshrink about your delusional parasitosis.

Yes, anthropogenic climate change is happening.  Your favorite climate science denialist arguements are truly no match for data.  The data clearly says its happening.

No, homeopathy, chiropracty, accupunture, reiki, colonics, “detox”, etc. are not real… in fact all the so called “alternative”, “complementary”, or “integrative medicine” are bogus.  They are all placebos with no real effect other than to drain your bank account.

Yes, GMOs are safe to eat.  Calling them “frankenfood” is just a cheap rhetorical trick.

No, cellphones do not cause cancer, nor do microwave ovens, over head power lines, or other sources of “radiation”.  Get a grip, sunlight is “radiation” and while needed for good health (Vitamin D), actually CAN cause cancer, unlike your smartphone. Oh… and they aren’t the cause of bee colony collapse either.

Yes, humans (and every other life form on the planet) evolved from previous species.  Evolution is a fact.  How it happens is explained by the theory of evolution.  “Creation Science” isn’t.  No, the Earth is not 6,000 years old.  It is a shade older than 4.5B years… but then, asking a lady her age is considered rude?

No, Blanchard, Bailey, Lawrence, Dreger, Cantor, nor I are ‘big fat meanies’ for writing about the science.    We just trust evidence, not vehemence.

Yes, there are two types of transwomen… and yes, one of them is autogynephilic.

 

Further Reading:

Silly Objections

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Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire…

Posted in Editorial by Kay Brown on April 12, 2016

Kay BrownIn a recent article, Casey Plett, told a big fat lie about me… defaming me, by saying that “Then there’s Kay Brown, who runs a blog where she has praised Zucker’s work.

The problem?  Nowhere in this blog, do I “praise Zucker’s work”…

What I do do is cite Zucker’s papers, where appropriate.  That is NOT the same thing as “praise”.  What’s more, Plett falsely implies that I support the therapies that tried to “cure” transkids of being… well… transkids.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  First, take a moment to read my “about” page.  There you will note that I was in fact sent to therapists, who attempted just that.  I know, as many of Plett’s other listed transfolk who spoke out about Zucker’s work do not, what such therapy feels like first hand… Many of these individuals include very dishonorable transfolk who have participated in vilifying, falsely, various researchers and transwomen who explore the nature of transsexual and transgender sexuality, most especially those who explore the two type taxonomy and the nature and role of autogynephilia in transgender men and transwomen.

I suspect it is not my comments regarding “reparative” therapy or of citing Zucker that has excited Plett to defame me thus… but of my assiduous search for the truth… a truth that many do not want to hear.  I also suspect that Pleth had been told, rather than researched what my blog says, taking the word of the someone among that cast of dishonorable transfolk.  Had she actually read my blog (now over a hundred essays) she would have found this snippet on my Advice to Parents of Transkids,

“Similarly, there have been  historically accepted, but totally erroneous beliefs, among a minority of child development “experts” and psychotherapists, that an overly strong emotional bond between the child and their opposite sex parent, or allowing gender atypical children participation in, expressing interest in, or even just being exposed to, gender atypical activities or hobbies leads to gender dysphoria and/or homosexuality.  This has led to an emotionally abusive therapy by some child therapists, encouraging opposite sex parents to reduce their involvement in the child, while encouraging the same sex parent to become more involved, especially in stereotypical gender typical activities, to punish gender atypical behavior and reward gender typical behavior, as a means of precluding a young child from becoming a transsexual or gay adult.   Following or allowing such a course will more likely lead to resentful withdrawal and long term damage to the parent/child relationships.  Both parents should endeavor to love, bond with, and accept their children as they are.

(I can attest from personal experience, that nothing could be further from the truth.  I was and remain very close to my father, while my mother was and remains cold and distant; and both consistently disapproved of my gender atypicality, encouraging my gender neutral hobbies and regularly attempting to encourage, one may say requiring, stereotypically gender typical ones, which were universally rebuffed by me, from an early age.)”

Casey Plett owes me an apology, a big one.

Addendum 4/14/2016:  If Plett had read my FAQ, she would have found this snippet,

Can therapy “cure” my transgendered child?

Short answer:  No.

Full Answer: There has never been ANY properly controlled study that shows that it is possible to make someone be non-transgendered, or to keep someone from becoming transgendered.  There have been some therapists who have made claims regarding their successes of “curing” transgender children, but given that most gender atypical young children naturally “grow out of it” by the time they are ten, these therapists are wrongly claiming credit for what is a naturally occurring process.  In a few cases, these therapists claimed “cures” which were later shown to have been merely the children telling the therapist what they wanted to hear.

Because attempts to “cure” transkids only causes distress, low self-esteem, and even leads to suicidal ideation, a few states have or are considering outlawing such “conversion” or “reparative” therapies.”

Addendum 8/7/2016:  I don’t know if this is the same or a different author once again misrespresenting my positions, but the same tone is involved:  http://freethoughtblogs.com/atg/2016/08/07/academic-transphobia-the-persistence-of-the-activists-vs-science-false-dichotomy/

Further Reading:

Review of documentary about affirming transkids gender aspirations which interviewed Kenneth Zucker.

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Revised Edition

Posted in Editorial by Kay Brown on March 29, 2016

Remember as you read this site;  Transsexuals and transgendered people are good people, worthy of our respect, and even of our admiration.  Nothing in this material is meant to imply otherwise.  If you are a transsexual or transgendered person, of either etiology:  You have value as a human being.  You have the right to be respected, valued, and even celebrated as the gender to which you identify and aspire.

TMWWBQ CoverIn his 2003 book, The Man Who Would Be Queen, J. Michael Bailey included a quiz.  I wrote an earlier essay that explored what the science said about each question, explaining how it helped to differentiate between MTF transkids and autogynephilic transwomen.  I’ve long wanted to rewrite the quiz, to tighten up the criteria, more accurately weight the items, and to expand it based on what science has learned about the two types.  I also coupled the items with equally weighted items that would differentiate transkids from autogynephilic transwomen.  As with Bailey’s original quiz, it is meant more as an educational than an actual diagnostic tool:

Autogynephilic vs. Transkid Quiz:

Start at Zero. Ask each question, and if the answer is “Yes,” add or subtract the number as indicated by the sign (+ or -) next to each question.  (Substitute the value in parentheses when applicable.)

+15 Have you worn women’s clothing in private and, during at least three of those times, become so sexually aroused that you masturbated?  {If you answered yes:  STOP!  This one is definitional, you are autogynephilic.}

-15 Have you been sexually active with a man (only a man, never had sexual intercourse with a woman, and more than ten times with a man) while pre-op and carefully avoided using or letting your partner touch your genitals (allowed no more than three times)?

+3 Have you been married to a woman? (Add +5 if married more than once.) 

3 Is your ideal partner a straight man? (Add -5 if married to a straight man.)

+3 Whether married or not, have you sired a child? (Add +5 if more than one.)

3 Whether married (to a straight man) or not, while living as a woman have you adopted or foster-mothered a child? (Add -5 if more than one.) {Note: You must have initiated the process while living as woman, not a carry-over from a pre-transition family, nor step-children by a female partner.}

+5 Are you nearly as attracted to women as to men? Or more attracted to women? Or equally uninterested in both, or unsure?

-5 Does this describe you? “I find the idea of having sex with men very sexually exciting, but the idea of having sex with women is not at all appealing.”

+1 As a child, did people think you were about as masculine as other boys?

-1 As a child, did people think you were an unusually feminine boy?

+1 Were you over the age of 30 when you began to live full time as a woman? (+5 if over age 40)

1 Were you under the age of 25 when you began to live full time as a woman? (-5 if under age 20)

+3 While living as a man, have you ever been in the military or worked as a policeman, truck driver, construction worker, or been a computer programmer, businessman, lawyer, scientist, professor, engineer, or physician, or other male dominated industry position?

-3 Have you worked as a child-care worker (not just a casual or convenient baby-sitter), hairstylist, beautician (other than electrologist), lingerie model, secretary, or other pink-collor job?

Finally, if the person has been on hormones for at least six months, ask yourself this question:

If you didn’t already know that this person was a transsexual, would you still have suspected that she was not a natural-born woman?

+1 if your answer is “Yes” (if you would have suspected)

-1 If your answer is “No”.

If the sum is greater than zero, the person is likely an autogynephilic transwoman.  If the sum is less than zero, the person is likely a transkid.  The larger the absolute value, the higher the confidence in the result.  The scale range is +45 to -45.

If you are brave, take the quiz, score it honestly, and “share” this link with your score.

 

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A Passing Privilege…

Posted in Editorial, Transsexual Field Studies by Kay Brown on January 1, 2016

Kay BrownOn Privilege and Entitlement in the Transgendered Communities

It’s the first day of a new year, time for another editorial on the transsexual and transgendered communities.  This past year, I’ve noted an increase in discussion on “privilege”, who has it, and who doesn’t.  This is not a new topic in the transgendered forums, or in the so called, ‘gender critical’ forums.  But, as usual, I find that most of the discussion misses the mark by a very wide margin, largely because of a combination of failing to define what and how privilege is and operates and conflating privilege with advantage and entitlement.

First, among the wider transgendered communities, especially among “older transitioners”, there is a common lament, a complaint even, of how they are disadvantaged because they don’t “pass”.  They then posit that those who are “lucky” to pass as non-transsexuals have a special “privilege”.  I’ve even seen essays that go as far as to criticize those MTF transwomen who do “pass” as expressing a belief that they are somehow “better” than those who don’t.  On one hand, evidence of this is provided by noting that in the (autogynephilic) transgender community, those who pass better are given greater social status.  On the other is that those who don’t pass are exposed to greater transphobic discrimination in the non-transcommunities, even within the LGB communities!

Second, among non-transgendered commenters, especially those with a feminist background and interest in ‘gender crit’, there is much discussion about how transsexuals or transgendered folk do or do not have “male privilege”.

Why, you may ask, is this of interest from the scientific perspective?  Because privilege, accrued advantage, and entitlement lie at the heart of the different social and economic experiences of the different types of transfolk.  It is also key to understanding the response to the growing scientific knowlege and understanding of the etiology and clinical presentations of the two types, by the more socially advantaged, ‘privileged’, of the two MTF types.

So let’s dissagregate (deconstruct, if you prefer post-modernist cant), the terms.

The term “privilege” comes from “private law”, the acknowledgement that some people have legal rights and some don’t.  A king had a special status, a private law, that didn’t apply to his subjects, “rank hath it’s privileges”.  Until very recently, men had legal rights that women did not in nearly every nation (and still do in far too many).  This is ‘male privilege’ in its most naked and raw form.  But there is another form, that which is given by custom and bias.  It should come as no surprise that, even today, most people, both men and women, still hold irrational biases that grant men more privileges than to women.  That bias is so strong that study after study have shown that women have to be demonstrably more competent and accomplished than men to even hold their own in many domains. (Look up the “Matilda Effect“.)

Privilege of this sort does not lie within the individual.  It lies in those who surround the individual.  It is granted automatically, by law, custom, or bias.  One cannot consciously disown such privilege since it is not within their control to bestow it upon themselves in the first place.

From privilege can, and usually does, come advantage.  It is what allows some people to move forward in their lives in an easier manner.  It also accumulates.  This property of accumulating advantage that comes from privilege is what ‘gender critical’ commenters are usually talking about when they state that MTF transwomen have “privilege”.  When those very same MTF transwomen read the word “privilege” and deny ownership of such, they are only thinking of their current loss of “privilege” due to transphobic bias, or, if they truly pass, of loss of “male privilege” wherein they are now subject to misogynistic bias.  But it is accumulated advantage that is paramount, because, if enough advantage has been accumulated, it can overcome transphobic or misogynistic bias, because advantage leads to further advantages.  (Look up the “Matthew Effect“.)

When someone is accustomed to having privilege and to accumulating advantage, it often engenders ‘entitlement’, the personal belief that such privileges that come from law, custom, or bias are ‘owed’ to them, or that they ‘earned’ them, that they are due to them because of a percieved sense of superiority.  It should come as no surprise that most men, accustomed as they are to socially granted privilege, fail to see their privilege over their female peers until it is painfully lost, as is the case with “late transitioning” MTF transsexuals losing “straight male privilege” as they become subject to homophobic/transphobic bias.  But even then, a substantial number of them fail to adjust to this loss, holding onto their entitlement, especially if they had previously accumulated enough advantage such that the loss of straight male privilege is overcome by compounding socio-economic advantage.

{Great comic strip exploring how socio-economic advantage accumulates and leads to entitlement.}

As an example of how accumulated straight male privilege, internalized bias, and the failure to understand its presence, can be found in late transitioning MTF transsexuals, one only has to look at Martine Rothblatt who openly touts that she is “the highest paid female CEO”.  Perhaps she can be a role model to the millions of girls who would look to emulate her success?  That is to say, that they should all become straight married men, father children, and climb the corporate ladder, accumulating advantage confered by stright male privilege?  Or perhaps exclusively androphilic, gender atypical, MTF transkids can do so?   NOT!!!

Well known and respected gender therapist, Dr. Anne Vitale, noted this internalized bias and tightly held sense of entitlement in one of her essays on the phenomena,

“One of the most interesting aspects I have found in my work with genetic males struggling with deep seated gender dysphoria is ingrained sexism. Although it would seem to be completely out of place in this population, the fact that it is present and present almost exclusively in genetic males tells us a great deal about how some men feel about femininity and about aspects of the nature of gender dysphoria. As a general rule, the men I am speaking about present for therapy appearing decidedly male, often to the point of wearing full beards. In addition, they are more often than [Group One transsexuals] to present [as] married, to have children, and to have never considered having a homosexual experience. … There are those that think that what women do — those social behaviors that differentiate them from men — are frivolous and unimportant. Indeed, there are those who take this belief to the point where they feel that women are less than men and are embarrassed over wanting to be like them. Interestingly, these people have no trouble at all with wearing very feminine apparel — as long as they can do it in complete privacy or with the above mentioned male bravado. … Perhaps the most insidious form of sexism resides in the gender dysphoric male who has attained a highly respected position in a male dominated profession. These people routinely tell me that although women are now allowed a certain professional tolerance, the real players are still men.”

Vitale also noted that these late transitioning (universally gynephilic) transsexuals clearly understood that they would be losing their socially confered straight male privilege should they transition,

“As the number of people who transition on the job grows, they get to see firsthand how public respect between men can quickly turn into private ridicule. Some individuals have even confessed to having participated in sexist jokes as a way to divert even the remotest suspicion from themselves. These people face the very real prospect of becoming outsiders, left to wither on the corporate vine. Given these seemingly unacceptable obstacles, many gender dysphoric males unconsciously accept certain male driven notions about women in an effort to purge the need to be female out of their mind.”

This potential loss of privilege is weighed against the personal benefits of transition, taking into account their already accumulated advantages.  This leads to the phenomena of very advantaged, higher socio-economic status (SES) gender dysphoric autogynephilic MTF transgendered individuals being more likely to transition than those with only moderate SES.  However, heterosexual and male privilege is not the only source of privilege or advantage, others include ethnicity (race/color, etc.), class, and education.  That is to say, that we don’t all start out with the same advantages.  Of course, those with absolutely nothing to lose… those who do not, nor ever did, enjoy straight white male privilege,  or accumulated advantage, poor and homeless “homosexual” transsexuals, both MTF and FtM, of color, whose early gender atypicality is well noted by parents, teachers, and peers alike, do not weigh loss of a privilege that was never theirs.  This is why in the Western countries, we find that most autogynephilic transwomen are white, middle-class, better educated while we find that exclusively androphilic MTF transsexuals (transkids) are more likely black, asian, or hispanic from poor families.

Dr. Vitale, in another essay, contrasted MTF transkids, whom she dubbed “Group One (G1)” type transsexuals, as not exhibiting this presumption of male (straight or otherwise) privilege and entitlement,

“As a psychotherapist I have found female identified males (G1) to be clinically similar to male-identified females (G2). That is, individuals in both groups have little or no compunction against openly presenting themselves as the other sex. Further, they make little or no effort to engage in what they feel for them would be wrong gendered social practices (i.e., the gender role assigned at birth as the basis of authority).”

Gender atypicality, especially notable femininity (disparagingly labeled “effeminancy”) in males, makes most people very uncomfortable, leading to less cooperation and social opportunities.  That is to say, that such individuals are granted less privilege, due to conscious or unconscious bias.  Whether that bias is greater or lesser than the privilege that may or may not be automatically conferered because that individual is male is likely to vary by individual and by the relationship between the individual and their social circle.  But, in many circumstances, this bias against them as feminine persons and gender atypicality/homosexuality far outweighs any potential male privilege, as attested by how many such individuals are disowned by even their own families to become homeless as teenagers.

Thus, for such gender atypical individuals who are contemplating alternatives, the privilegepossibility of passing as a member of the opposite anotomic sex can be very appealing.  But here, the ability to actually pass, really and truly pass, for years on end, with one’s neighbors, co-workers, peers, etc. is carefully evaluated; because, for non-autogynephilically motivated individuals, failing to pass will not grant them part of what they desire, surcease from bias.  Thus, passibility is a neccessity for most “homosexual” transsexuals.  While passing as non-transsexual and non-gender-atypical women reduces bias, it does not grant “privilege” in the same sense that being percieved as a gender typical, straight male does.  Thus, attributing “passing privilege” to exclusively androphilic “young transitioners” in the manner that autogynephilic “late transitioners” often do, is dubious at best, and an example of autogynephilic projection of a false privilege at worst.  Worse, those who have become accustomed to equating possessing privilege with entitlement, falsely project onto such passable (especially if attractive as well) young transitioning MTF transsexuals the belief that they see themselves as “better than” gynephilic late transitioners, for whom the ability to pass has far less weight on their decisions regarding transition.  As the authors of the transkids.us website put it,

“This kind of perception is very common amongst transsexuals who are motivated by autogynephilia and the desire to acquire femininity and is typical of how hsts issues are re-interpreted within a transsexual context which has meaning to autogynephilic transsexuals and not to homosexual transsexuals.  In the often somewhat oddly “reversed” context of autogynephilic narrative, femininity is redefined in terms of status and heirarchy, as a personal goal and not as a connected social history. Casting transkids as “privileged” because they are defined socially as feminine is a reversal of how things work in the non-transsexual world where femininity grants less social privilege, not more. In a paraphilic value system where femininization is the objective then it can be seen how those who are spontaneously feminine would be considered fortunate but the relationship of homosexual transsexuals to concepts of “passing”, attractiveness and femininity are simply very different from those of autogynephilic transsexuals. Being a member of a very devalued social class from a very young age is not a privilege, it is a huge social liability.”

While femininity in boys is near universally reviled, mild “tomboyishness” in girls is tolerated or even encouraged.  However, extreme masculinity in girls and especially maturing girls and women, is equally disquieting to many.  Here, the ability to pass as straight, gender typical men, may and does confer some privilege, and if one transitions young enough, they may be able to accumulate advantages from it.

(Addendum 9/25/28:  {I’m moving this remark from my earlier essay on Autogynephilia to here where it makes more sense.}

I was very peeved at MJ (a 40 year old AGP, former childhood acquaintance, talking about begining transition in the then near future) calling me “lucky”, to have transitioned as a teenager.  This is a very common view among “late transitioners”, an autogynephilic overvaluation of femininity as a goal rather than an intrinsic trait, a projection of an autogynephilic world view of femininity as a “privilege” onto transkids.  Calling transkids “lucky” is to deny our lived experience, where in the real world, outside of the AGP transgendered one, femininity connotes less privilege, not more.  It denied my experiences of having been sent to reparative therapy as a child and teen, it denied my experience of being bullied by ‘phobic bigots at school.  It denied my experience of being disowned by my family as a teenager to become intermittently homeless, to suffer from both housing and food insecurity, experiences common for transkids but extremely rare for AGP transwomen.  Describing transkids as “lucky” also distorts the “late transitioners” own real history wherein as teenagers and young adults they actively or passively decided against early transition, not yet experiencing severe gender dysphoria and subsequent cross-gender identity.)

Further Reading:

Passibility differences between transsexual types

Differences between androphilic vs. non-androphilic transwomen, passing, and transition decision making.

Exploring transsexuals stereotypes and how they reveal differences in privilege, socio-economic status, and transition decision making

Exploring data regarding ethicity vs. MTF transsexual types in New York City.

Exploring Dr. Anne Vitale’s clinic descriptions and contrasts between transsexual types.

References:

Anne Vitale, “The Gender Variant Phenomenon–A Developmental Review” http://www.avitale.com/developmentalreview.htm

Vitale, Anne, “Sexism in the Male to Female Transsexual”  1997
http://www.avitale.com/MTFSexism.htm

Charlotte Alter, What Transmen See That Women Don’t, Time Magazine
http://time.com/transgender-men-sexism

 

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Raising Children is a Sacred Trust…

Posted in Editorial, Transgender Youth by Kay Brown on December 8, 2015

Kay BrownParental Attitudes Towards Transgender Children

Every now and then, I check the stats on this site.  I am gratified by the growing number of readers over the past six years.  I also check the search strings that are used to find this site.  I am happy that parents of transkids find my site and this much needed information.  But I am usually saddened by the search strings.  These are the most common, in order of frequency:

“How to cope with transgender children”

“How to deal with a transgender child”

“How to manage a transgender kid”

“My child is transgender”

Do you see the problem?  The terms ‘cope’, ‘deal’, and ‘manage’ indicate that these parents see their child as a dissappointent, a burden, a problem.  One ‘copes’ with emotional loss and dissappointment.  One ‘deals’ with a burden.  One ‘manages’ a problem.

I’ve known dozens of other transkids (and former transkids / adults who were transkids).  Nearly every one of them spoke of how their parents had been dissappointed by them.  Even those whose parents eventually came to support them went through a period where their parents tried to deny that they were transkids.  Many were disowned by their parents.

But every now and then, but not nearly as often as I would like, I see this search string:

“How to help a transgender child”

Today, among several like the first three, I saw this gem:

“How to protect a transgender child”

Several years ago, my husband and I hosted a lovely young couple and their two children.  Their children were around three years old, fraternal twins.  One was ‘all boy’.  He wore his favorite T-shirt sporting an image of a bulldozer that read, “I like dirt”.  The other child was a sweet natured, feminine girl wearing a yellow flowered sundress.  She gave us an impromptu ballet recital in our front parlor.  Can you see where this is going?  That sweet mannered girl is male.

This young couple loved and celebrated their children.  Both of them.  They told me that they didn’t like attending support groups for parents of gender atypical / transgender children because the other parents saw their children as dissappointments, problem children, burdens.  The other parents would spend most of the time trying to convince everyone, including themselves, that they had done everything they could to cope, deal, and manage their children.  They were apolegetic about their child’s behavior and even of their own eventual acceptance of their child’s atypicality, having done everything they could to prevent it.

Which brings me back to the search string that I never see, but would dearly love to:

“How to celebrate my transgender child”

(Addendum 2/4/2016:  Banner Day!  Today someone used this search string, “loving your transgender child”)

(3/26/2016:  UGLY DAY!  Today someone used this search string, “things to say to comfort parents of a transgender”, as though having a trans-child were a terrible tragedy.

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