About
This blog is written by silly ol’ me… “Cloudy”. I transitioned as a teenager in 1975. In the past, since the very early ’80s, I was quite involved as an activist, in a couple of the earliest organizations dedicated to helping transsexuals achieve legal recognition, civil rights, and protections. I was also deeply interested in research and education about our collective history: teaching classes and publishing both online and in the Transsexual News Telegraph magazine in the mid-90′s. I have a degree in psychology, as well as another in a non-related science, with a minor in biology. I own my own technology / science related business and have an international reputation in my field, publishing papers and presentations, including being a Visiting Fellow, lecturing part-time at an overseas university. I’m currently 55 years old, married to a very understanding and loving man, and have an adopted daughter, the second of two foster daughters, both now grown. I believe we should all study the past, live in the present, and invest in the future.
This blog is about ideas and the science behind them regarding what is called rather loosely today, transsexual or transgender. “Them’s fighin’words!” Seriously, if you’re not familiar with the denizens of this world, it can be a very confusing place, where identity politics are played for keeps, a world where those that speak about the truth, find few friends. But my hope is to cut through the noise, fear, and shame, to explore facts, “Just the facts ma’am.”
This blog is a sister site to the Transkids.us website. You can learn more about me and my motivation for writing this blog by reading my essay published there, “The Invisible Transsexual”. Both sites are dedicated to exploring issues from the perspective of “early transitioning MTF transsexuals”, as we are sometimes called, among other things. As with the Transkids website, this blog is directed to medical, scientific, and other individuals that may have an interest in this field. This blog is dedicated to the memory of JoAnna McNamara, in the hopes that learning who we are will provide better ways of dealing with our situations. This blog is written primarily for non-trans-folk, given the continued disproportionately antagonistic response to reasonable scientific discourse in the AGP dominated trans-community.
Although recently there has been a lot of attention to “transgender youth”, “transkids”, children and teens whose families are supportive, trying to help their children grown up happy and healthy, not all families help their transkids grow up in such an affirming manner. From my own and many of my peers experiences, many do not. Also, remember, transkids do grow up to be adults, who then must find a place in the world. Whether their families were and continue to be supportive, or they have become de facto orphans with living relatives, adult transkids still have common challenges and experiences. Although it would be desirable to discuss the needs of transkids, and only transkids, it is not possible without first explaining who transkids are NOT.
If you are a parent of an MTF transkid, it is important to remember that adult transitioning MTF transsexuals do not represent your child’s future. Further, such adults make very poor role models for transkids, as their needs, experiences, and motivations are so radically divergent from transkids. Unfortunately, there are few good role models available for your child, since successful adult transkids are usually “stealth”, that is, living quietly with only a small circle of close friends who may know of their unusual childhood. I wish I could be available as a role model (presumptuous of me, believing that I would be such a good role model) but I too wish to live quietly.
An important piece of information about the transsexual / transgender world is that there are in fact two, and only two, basic types of Male-to-Female (MTF) transsexuals/transgendered people. Both are equally real and both equally deserving of respect and appropriate & affordable medical care. However, they have two separate, distinct, and unrelated medical conditions, symptomologies, and etiologies. One type is exclusively androphilic (sexually attracted to men) and gender atypical since early childhood and share etiological similarities (being “sissy boys”) to conventionally homosexual men. They typically transition as teenagers or early 20′s. These are transkids. The other type is Autogynephilic {AGP: experiences a sexual arousal to the thought of being or becoming feminine/female} and were mostly unremarkably gender typical until they began femininizing themselves and share etiological and developmental similarities to conventional transvestites/cross-dressers. They typically transition as adults. These are not transkids.
This taxonomy is now well established by a number of peer-reviewed scientific studies by independent researchers. But this fact makes a number of transsexuals, especially those who are themselves likely to be autogynephilic, very uncomfortable. Not content to politely disagree and honestly research and debate the scientific findings, they have waged a disinformation and harassment campaign against any and all scientists, physicians, historians, and even other transsexuals (including yours truly), who openly acknowledge their acceptance of this growing body of work. In other words: They are trying to kill the messenger!
So, when browsing the internet, evaluating the conflicting messages, note the source, note the use of malicious and false innuendo, mischaracterization of motives, ad hominem argument & abuse, the character assignation, the malicious “outing” of transsexuals who were stealth-mode, the name calling, etc.; Then focus on the science instead. It is not important who does the science or who explains it. I could personally be a little green martian, it wouldn’t change the validity of the science or of my observations of the behavior of the two types. My personal “identity” or etiology is not at issue here. I could be either type of transsexual, it still wouldn’t matter. But, for those that wonder, my personal “identity” is that I’m a straight woman, period. For those that say that is it treason to the larger transcommunity to support this science, I proudly say, “Progress is not built on lies, but on truth.”
If you find yourself getting angry reading the material on this website, slow down and ask yourself, “Why?” Because too much of it is too right? Because it hits too close to home for comfort?
In addition to those who would wish to deny the existence of the two different etiologies, and thus quite different life arcs, of the two types of transwomen, there are a growing chorus of transfolk who fully acknowledge the difference, but often misunderstand the motivations and difficulties encountered by the other type. This is unfortunate for them. In a way, I feel privileged because I have had the opportunity to observe at close hand, both types, as close friends, long time roommates, and sister (along with FtM brother) TransActivists. So, if my reader is one of these self-aware transwomen, please take the time to understand the science, but also take the time to understand both the very real differences in our struggles to find a workable life, and the common struggles to secure a safe and respectful place in society.
Remember, “different than” never means “better than”!!!
A further complication is that many transsexuals who do not wish to acknowledge their own autogynephilia, will stigmatize those that do. As a defense mechanism, they may also try to distance themselves from either or both of the scientifically established types by claiming that they are part of another category of “true transsexuals”, “classic transsexuals”, or even “Harry Benjamin Syndrome”, while all of those other autogynephilic transsexuals are really “wannabes” or “cross-dressers” / “transvestites” or some other term implied to be derogatory. The sad thing is that this is actually a case of the ‘kettle calling the pot black’; In order to bolster their own self-worth and sense of genuineness, they tear down others. There is no scientific basis for these distinctions. Comprehensible, but not justifiable.
To be clear: When I say that there are two types of MTF transsexuals, I am speaking of etiology, not genuineness!
Remember, “different than” never means “better than”!!!
A note on nomenclature:
In this blog I use the term “Homosexual Transsexual” only to maintain clarity and concordance with the scientific literature, which usually uses this term with respect to sexual attraction to same reproductive potential (biological, birth, or natal) sex. This term does not imply that such MTF transsexuals identify as, or behave like, gay men. It is not a social identity, nor an appeal to essentialism. This is the point, this group of transsexuals would, from the casual viewers point of view, appear to be naturally feminine women, not like men in any way. It only refers to an individual MTF who is sexually attracted to masculine men. In daily life, such MTF transsexuals would more properly be recognized as straight women post transition. Similarly, the majority ofFtM transmen are described in the literature as “Homosexual Transsexuals”, and again this refers only to their sexual orientation with respect to their natal sex. The term may be abbreviated as HSTS for convenience. This term applies only to those MTF transsexuals who are and historically have always been, exclusively or predominately androphilic (defined as having the potential for erotic arousal to orgasm exclusively with masculine / male bodied persons).
“Non-Homosexual Transsexuals” are all those who are not “Homosexual Transsexuals”, including those MTF transsexuals that may currently state being exclusively androphilic, but have a history of sexual attraction to women (erotic arousal to orgasm with feminine / female bodied persons). In everyday life such persons may be described as lesbian, bisexual, or asexual women post transition. In the case of post-transition transsexuals who currently identify as exclusively androphilic, but have a sexual history of attraction to women, they may also be described as straight women in daily life. However, for scientic purposes (and only such purposes) such women are called “Non-Homosexual Transsexuals “. As this blog will show, there is very strong evidence that all such “Non-Homosexual Transsexuals” are also autogynephilic, which may be abbreviated as AGP for convenience.
The term “autogynephilia” breaks down to: auto = self, gyne = woman, philia = love, thus it means, “the love of oneself as a woman”…. just like “automobile” means “self-propelled” (as opposed to being pulled by horse) and “Philadelphia” means “city of brotherly love”. A recently coined term with the same basic meaning is, “CrossDreamer”, which is descriptive and in English, as opposed to using a Greek construction. However, by whatever name, they mean the same potential for being sexually aroused by the thought or actuality of being or becoming feminine / female, along with associated, but not necessarily directly sexual, behaviors.
These terms are used only for categorization and exploration of behavior and etiologies. They have no pejorative meanings attached in this blog. Though many other transsexuals have used these very terms as insults and epithets, I do not. Even I have some trepidation about using these terms, but they are terms that historically were, and largely remain, in scientific use. I personally prefer the term, “feminine androphilic transsexual”, but not all papers have used this or similar terms. This blog is intended to provide data and access to those studies that explore the differences and characteristics of the two types of Male-to-Female transsexuals, by whatever labels used.
In reading this blog, you may wish to start with the Frequently Asked Questions page.
I no longer allow comments on this blog, as it proved tiresome to moderate, given that few comments dealt with the science, and most were personal and highly inaccurate attacks upon my character and motives.
